stop

i just wish the sadness and anxiety would stop

i wish i could be normal, free and happy

i really do hope i won't die, that i'll overcome my fears

the fear of gaining weight, the fear of disease, the fear of being secretly hated, the fear of dying, the fear of losing someone, the fear of being an outstander, ..

my list is endless

and so are my thoughts

and when i think about the future, i don't know where i see myself

i love art

in all of it's ways

fashion, drawing, painting, singing, dancing,..

simply everything

and i don't know which way to choose or if it's my right path

or if i'll be able to do what i love

the future is so odd.. you're just wondering and wondering

and i'm just here, stuck with my anxiety that i might even die in an hour

the burning pain in my left chest keeps me anxious, the sound of my beating heart does to

the pain all over my head, the stinging pain

it's making me go crazy..

the people around me don't know what's going on inside of me

but there's a lot and i need to get it out somehow

i'm so scared of the never ending anxiety

so scared that it'll forever cling itself to me

all that i know is that because of jonas i keep on fighting,

he is the love of my life and i truly do mean that

what i share with him i've never shared before, it's the most incredible, special and perfect thing i could've ever experienced

he makes me feel alright, he gives me hope

and i sincerely hope, 

i'll be okay, 

together with him

i want to be the happy me again, the life-enjoying girl

that spends her time listening to tokio hotel and draws and sings and dances and does fun stuff

but here i am,

antisocial, alone, in pain and overthinking in a constant manner

i'm scared, really scared

and i sincerly hope i'll be okay

that everyone'll be okay

i just want inner peace,

the peace between my body and soul