skinny pt.3

i am in such a weird mood lately

i hate my body

and i hate my feelings

but sometimes i feel.. peacefull

i don't know

it's odd

and i wonder if it's the medication

or just something different

i'm still afraid to die

but also afraid to live

yet 

i can find beauty in the simplest things

except in myself

i wish i was beautiful

so Jonas could walk around

and be proud

but now i'm just a saggy, fat mess

and i hate it

and i hate my anxiety

and i hate my thoughts

i just want to be normal

beautiful

so i could share my happiness

with the world

and reflect it on others

help them

and comfort them

but now i'm just pretending to be a tough girl

but i'm not

deeply inside

i'm shy and afraid

afraid of judgement and rejection

please

stop

make it stop

and let me enjoy my life for once